Today I want to talk… err… write about failure. Failure to complete things in a timely matter. Maybe the failure to follow through. You can use your imagination although you probably don’t have to. It’s pretty easy to think about something that did not go quite as expected. We all feel failure just in different ways.
For me, one was the failure to think no one would read anything I wrote. Failure to think I was a terrible writer. I am sure there are even more ways, I could elaborate on but these are the ones at the forefront of my mind. My brain was just trying to protect my heart. Because, if you don’t put yourself out there you won’t fail. See isn’t it easier to do nothing? Yes, this was the dialogue going on with my self. The fight I was having with my inner monologue. Which is like fighting with the voices in your head. But I promise you much saner.
But, had I not won the fight… there would be no blog. Just to let you in on a little secret I hadn’t outsmarted these voices. When I first thought of sharing my ideas I had a tremendous amount of self-doubt. It took years to win the battle and be able to open myself up and to share. But these thoughts, and no one’s actual feedback, made me almost made me fail at blogging before I even started.
I am glad I just decided to put myself out there, even though I was scared. Let me tell you… it isn’t easy. In fact, it is really hard, but each day, each post gets a little bit easier.
STRANGELY ENOUGH, IT’S TRUE… FAILURE IS UNDERRATED.
What?! How can this be? Pssst… I want to tell you a secret. Failure is underrated. How else would you know how strong you are?
Society itself gives us the message that if we are not perfect we must be failing somewhere. Young girls are bombarded with images of perfection of what or who they should be. Or, at least what they should aspire to become. As young minds accept this concept, it grows with us.
We should have the perfect house, with a kitchen out of a magazine and a wonderful garden. We should probably have either a very successful business, or a loving handsome husband and adorable children. Preferably all three.
So when something doesn’t go according to plan we feel that we have somehow failed. If its not full-blown failure, then it’s that ‘less than’ feeling. Which our brains interpret as a failure.
WE ALL FAIL
There are many examples of people who have succeeded greatly, after failing many times. I want to share with you two examples that will help you see the good in failure.
Albert Einstein said “failure is just success in progress” and Thomas Edison, a man who holds 1009 patents tried over 10,000 times to bring a commercially viable electric light bulb to market yet he remained undeterred. When a reporter asked him if he was discouraged by all the failures Edison said, “I have not failed 10,000 times, not even failed once, I’ve succeeded in proving ten thousand ways that won’t work, when I have eliminated all the ways that don’t work I will find the way that does.”
Ah, success! Sometimes failure is the only road to success.
OH NO!
But here’s the thing, we all get knocked down. The actual failure is in not getting back up. And I have another secret, the failure is all the inner voices of fear, anxiety and feeling unappreciated. One of the biggest and longest-lasting lessons I learned is not to be afraid to lean on the people who love us. Our family or friends are not as critical of us as we are with ourselves. Generally speaking, they love us, want us to succeed and be our best selves.
We have to learn to let the negativity go and replace those feelings with more positive things. Any failure I have had has quite frankly… sucked. At first a failure stings. But during these times I have grown and learned the most.
The way I learned to trust myself again was actually through their eyes. Learning to trust myself felt a little shaky at times. I was like a little kid learning to ride a bike, then one day the training wheels come off, and yes it’s shaky at first but soon? You’re doing it on two wheels all by yourself!
TRUST YOURSELF
By knowing that when the worst happens I can trust myself to make good decisions. This thought has helped me to have a different perspective on failure. When the voice in your head says, “this is not a great idea”, listen to it. You can trust that gut feeling, that voice in your head that only you hear, it’s giving you what you need to hear. The biggest lesson I learned is that there is nothing in life that’s right or normal or good or bad.
Failure does lead to success. Although, it’s scary to go through. It also seems that the more success you have, the more you recognize failure from a bit further away. But failure will still worm its way in no matter who you are. And each time you will need to trust yourself more and more. Until the voice that only you heard becomes part of your voice you speak out loud, that everyone else hears, the voice that is really your own, the one from the heart.
FIND THE GOOD
When we think failing is bad, it is not the failure we think that’s bad. It’s what other people will think… that’s what we get hung-up on. Learning that failure is a tool… a mindset that we need to shift into. Remember, the people on the sidelines judging are not doing or going through what you are. They are sitting on the sidelines waiting for something or someone to talk about. So quiet the judgment and quiet the static. Find the good in the failure.
IT AIN’T ALWAYS EASY
We have to train ourselves not to look at everything that goes wrong as a failure. An obstacle? A setback? Something that isn’t fitting into the life plan we had for ourselves? Sure, but there are very few failures that don’t teach us something.
SO I HAVE TO FAIL… TO SUCCEED
Let’s say that together… so I have to fail to succeed. You don’t have to but you would be a unicorn if you didn’t. I believe failure is the secret to success. And more importantly, your perception of failure. It is why I also believe that if you have not yet failed that you are not trying hard enough. If you haven’t been told “no” then you haven’t asked enough.
How you react and deal with failure will tell a great deal about your success in life. Will you curl up under a blanket? Will you pivot and rethink your initial plan?
Well hiding under a blanket is not going to get you any closer to the life you want to live, and of course, you can refine your plan if what you thought initially was the right track turns out not to be. Life is a journey, and it doesn’t always travel in a straight path. That’s ok too. You are the one who is making the decisions because only you know what you want your life to look like. If you don’t succeed, try again. That’s what turns failure into success. Aren’t you ready for success?